Tagged: food

pep-or-nada

It's nada toomah..it's peperonata!

It’s nada toomah..it’s peperonata!

Peperonata is one of those dishes that manages to be incredibly easy, delicious and simple but also annoying AF for the sole reason that you get sticky. And I hate being sticky. Abhor it even.

yoda2

This is feeling is impossible to avoid when attempting to de-seed any amount of bursting, roasted late summer peppers.

worst nightmare.

worst nightmare.

As I’ve aged, I’ve come to realize there are worse things in life than being sticky and gotten over it. (Or at least I keep telling myself that.)

dontbelieveyou

Simply, peperonata is a dish made-up of sliced, roasted peppers, most often served as a side to other things. It’s great with or on-top-of literally any protein and can be eaten at any temperature. Various other ingredients can jazz up your basic peperonata too.

jazz hands

jazz hands for peppers yayyyyyyyy

For example, you can add stewed, pickled or caramelized onions, olives, capers, even some herbage action if you’re feeling it. The list goes on… Basically, I’ve figured out you can literally add 75 – 85% of whatever is in your pantry to a peperonata and it will probably taste O-K, if not excellent.

In summation, it’s worth getting sticky over.

not your basic bell pepper

Peperonata (that’s worth getting sticky over)

  • 8 medium peppers – try gypsy peppers, jimmy nardellos, long italian, etc. just don’t go basic and get a bell pepper puhleease
  • 1/2 cup small black olives, pitted and roughly chopped – try gaeta or nicoise 
  • 1/4 cup parsley leaves, picked
  • 2T fresh oregano, chopped
  • 2.5T sherry vinegar
  • 1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
  • kosher salt
  • black pepper
  1. Preheat your oven’s broiler and line a baking sheet with tin foil. Place the peppers on the lined baking sheet and broil, rotating the peppers with tongs every minute or so, until the peppers’ skins are blackened and roasted. Immediately place the peppers in a bowl and cover with plastic wrap.
  2. After the peppers have cooled enough to handle, get to work slipping the skins off the peppers. De-seed and de-vein the peppers, trying to reserve any juice that comes out of them. Slice the peppers into strips that are around 1/3″ thick and place in a bowl, adding in any reserved pepper juice too.
  3. Whisk together the oregano, EVOO, vinegar and salt and pepper to taste in a small bowl. Pour this over the peppers. Add the olives and mix everything together.
  4. To serve, plate the peperonata in a shallow bowl or high-lipped platter. Garnish all over with picked parsley. Remember, this dish can be served at all kindssssss of room temperatures.

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She’s a Souper Freak

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She’s a very freaky gurllllllll

I love soup. It’s warm, it’s filling, it’s delicious, and every culture has their own take on what you can do with a bowl and a spoon.

Mmmmmmmmm

As you can imagine, my Seamless soup delivery man and I are very close. We even sing each other Christmas carols in December as he walks the three flights up to my apartment.

Frankly, though, soup in the summer is just inappropriate.

But Beth, you say, there’s gazpacho! There’s vichyssoise!

Well, gazpacho is not a soup. Gazpacho is a bloody mary without the vodka.

Vichyssoise? Don’t lie to me and tell me that thick ass puree of potatoes, leeks, cream and chicken stock wouldn’t taste a gazpachillion times better hot.

Most recently, I was craving a bowl of hot and bubbly cold-weather soup but I simply couldn’t muster a crock of French Onion in 100% humidity. Forced to work with the elements (i.e. on a hot summer day when the desire to move and/or make anything lengthy in the kitchen is minimal), my Summer Onion Soup was born.

It is the yin to winter’s cheesy and rich French Onion yang. With three different types of seasonal onion/garlic-related vegetables, plus some chicken, zucchini and potato to round out the dish, this soup is bright, light and flavorful and totally appropriate for summer. It’s like the white jeans of soup.

Summer Onion Soup

  • 1 small, whole Chicken
  • 16 oz. unsalted Vegetable or Chicken Stock
  • 1 bunch fresh Scallions, cleaned and sliced into 3-4″ long pieces
  • 5 sprigs Thyme
  • 1 head fresh Garlic, cloves separated and thinly sliced
  • 1 bunch Garlic Scapes, ends removed and sliced into 3-4″ long pieces
  • 5 small Potatoes with a fancy name, quartered (I prefer Augusta potatoes because Augustus was the heir to Caesar and I love Caesar salad. I mean, who doesn’t? And August is my birth month so it works in so many ways. Just make sure the reason you choose your potato has a great story behind it – it’ll make the soup taste better.)
  • 2 medium Green Zucchini, cut into 2-3″ chunks
  • Extra Virgin Olive Oil
  • Maldon Salt
  1. Generously season the chicken on all sides with salt. Coat the bottom a large dutch oven or soup pot with a thin layer of olive oil over medium-high heat.
  2. Place chicken in the pot breast-side-up and cook until the bottom is golden brown, around 3-5 minutes. Flip the chicken over and pour in stock. Add enough water to the pot so the chicken is almost covered (you want the top 1/8th exposed but that seemed a little anal to state given my naturally lackadaisical demeanor. Important to note that this soup was also invented on a day where I attempted to minimize dishes and knife work – hence, the whole chicken).
  3. Add the rest of the ingredients to the pot except the zucchini. Reduce heat to medium, cover, and cook for 25-30 minutes or until the chicken is cooked.
  4. Remove the chicken and thyme sprigs from the pot. Discard thyme and place the chicken on a cutting board. Turn off the heat, add the zucchini to the pot and put the cover back on.
  5. Depending on how hungry you are, at this point you can either brave the scalding hot chicken and start tearing the meat off with your mighty heat resistant talons you call hands, or you can stick the chicken in the freezer for 5 to 10 minutes until that bird has cooled the eff down. Either way, pick the meat off the bird, tearing or cutting the meat into large pieces (around 3″ long) and placing back in the pot.
  6. Stir the soup around a bit so the chicken can get reacquainted with its old friends and taste for seasoning, adjusting if necessary. Serve HOT.

Give it to me

seltzer is for sluts

Let’s take a moment to reflect on how far we have come as a nation, and actually/maybe/potentially be thankful for the 2008 recession for one quick second whilst I remind you of how ridiculous our nation had become when those Lehman Brothers were making it rain in strip clubs with Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.

Back in 2002, The New York Times did a stunningly inspirational piece profiling various pre-recession jobs, such as the one featuring Filip Wretman, the water sommelier at the then-brand new Ritz-Carlton Battery Park.

Yes, that’s right.

A water sommelier.

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According to Filip, there’s over 1,800 waters in the world. 1,800 different combinations of two hydrogens and one oxygen?

Who would’ve thought!

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It’s like in 2002, water was turning into the new wine. It’s like Filip was attempting to pull an opposite Jesus move.

I’m beginning to smell a conspiracy…

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…or maybe it’s just the overwhelming bouquet from my glass of New York City tap water.

Too soon to tell.

Now, you may be wondering, how does one go about becoming a water sommelier? According to the article, Filip learned everything he needed to know about his job from Google. Well, Google “Filip Wretman” now and you’ll see how far the wise, wise decision to become a water sommelier got him.

Anyways, you know how the old saying goes: those who can’t do, teach; those who can’t teach, teach P.E.; those who can’t teach P.E., become water sommeliers.

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If there was ever a reason to be a Four Seasons loyalist, this is it.

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Vintage Post: If Looks Could Kale – The Trendiness Ensues

More vintage goodness from the archives! Below is a throwback post from Beth Food Ever 1.0 circa 2013 for your reading pleasure. 

We’ve discussed my trendiness and its tendency to make me want to vomit. I’m not sure why it keeps coming up but I believe it may have something to do with that recent week I spent in suburbia…

clintew

I’m glad we don’t have to discuss it again.

imdone

Moving along, I’m now going to broach on a topic that is the epitome of trendiness: kale.

kale1

When you, as in you I mean kale: the food, are being made into puns (see title), it means you’ve hit the big time buddy.

autograph

You famous.

bigstar

Obviously, people who “know food” have “known kale” (not biblically speaking, but I have heard in some sects of co-op groceries…) for a very long-time.

notgroupies

It is only recently that the people who frequent Applebee’s two or more times per week (statistically speaking),

applebees

drive a P.T. Cruiser (again, the statistics don’t lie),

ptcruiserlift

and consider Domino’s their “local” pizza joint have discovered this superfood…

dominos

Not to generalize and/or stereotype or anything.

notjudgemental

Moving along, part deux: kale edition.

kale2

I have loved kale before kale was kale so I’m just going to ignore all the haters a la Gwynny-P and show you some dank ass kale shnit.

Screen shot 2013-11-30 at 1.42.52 AMPreach, my kale loving soul sister from another mister.

preach

One of the most convenient and crunchy ways to eat kale is kale chips.

bradskalechips

But, kale chips in the grocery store are so gross (like SO gross) and so expensive (like SO expensive) that I literally want to scream at everyone who picks them up with their smug faces being all smug “DO YOU LIKE DRIED BABY VOMIT THAT COSTS $15 FOR .25 OUNCES, DO YOU???”

wipethatface

With the current pricing structure – strictly speaking on a pound-for-pound basis – kale chips sold at grocery stores are more valuable than gold, cocaine, white truffles from Alba, doll hairs, and this girl’s virginity.

Screen shot 2013-12-01 at 4.22.17 PM

Fact.

neverwrong

Believe it or not, even though grocery store kale chips are the epitome of grossness, homemade kale chips are flipping delicious and actually super easy to make so you can whip a batch up on the reg for reals.

believethatyoucandoit

The recipe I’m going to present right now will change your life forever. You’re welcome.

KALE CHIPS DONE RIGHT

You’ll need:

  • 1 bunch Lacinato/Dinosaur/Tuscan Kale
  • 1 tablespoon Extra Virgin Olive Oil
  • 2 baking sheets
  • 1 large bowl
  • Kosher salt

1. Preheat oven to 250°F. Derib your kale, discarding the ribs and stems. The stems and ribs get woody and gross when you bake them so just trust me on this one.

soimportant

You should end up with nice big strips of kale.

2. Place the prepared kale in a large bowl and toss with extra virgin olive oil until each kale leaf is coated and lightly slicked with the oil.

3. Divide the kale evenly among the two baking sheets, arranging them in a single layer. No double stacking! Sprinkle the kale with kosher salt. Bake them at 250°F for 50 minutes to 1 hour until done.

howsure

You know the kale chips are done because they’ll be super crispy, wafer thin, and tasty tasty nom nom.

mmmmm

*       *       *        HOSTRESS TIP        *       *       * 

I like to arrange the finished kale chips in a vase or tall glass so they maintain their crispy, long shape. It’s a great edible centerpiece alternative to fleurs.

kaleinvase

ALSO I’d like to address the seasoning options you have with homemade kale chips ie beyond the obvious salt. The seasoning possibilities are utterly maddening!

crazylaugh

Mix your flavors up by simply buying one of those handy-dandy one-time-use-only pre-made spice mixes at the grocery store.

Some flavors to try:

  • Ranch
  • Taco
  • Cajun
  • French Onion

Expand your mind. There’s a world of possibilities out there.

spinningglobe

*       *       *        20-SOMETHING TIP        *       *       * 

Make a batch before a night out on the town with your gal pals

lenadance

so you have some low-cal drunchie food to come home to.

eatingpiggingout

It’s crunchy, salty, and you can eat a ton of it.

tacobell

(Should’ve made the kale chips)

AND you can still hit up that bloody mary brunch the next day with said gal pals and not be forced to order the shitty fruit plate sans Greek yogurt, sans honey, sans organic flax chia acai granola out of post-drunchie guilt.

cheesefries

We’ve all been there.

agreetswift

From all walks of life (and/or walks of shame).

totalljerseyshore

But we don’t have to go back.

toodaloo

Thanks to kale chips.

eatmorekale

Vintage Post: Sometimes I’m so trendy it makes me want to vomit

Below is a vintage post from Beth Food Ever 1.0 circa 2013 for your reading pleasure. 

Sometimes I’m so trendy it makes me want to vomit. This is true.

Can't stop. Won't stop. Because I can't stop.

Can’t stop. Won’t stop. Because… like I said: I can’t stop.

Especially when it comes to food.

pandacook

But eff all the haters.

mcbrideidgaf

I’m gonna embrace my god-given foodily trendiness.

aintevenworriedaboutit

That’s right…. bring on the mason jars, bitch.

masonjarfantasy

However, unlike other Pinterest hos, I’m actually quite proud of my original mason jar creation. In fact, I’m not even going to Google it to see if someone else has done it before. That would merely depress me.

(Update: I have since Googled it. Ex-nay on the riginal-ay.)

I mean, all in all, mason jars are actually pretty great and easy to find too. You can purchase them at your local hardware store, Target, Sur la Table, etc.

walmartquestion

Walmart does not sell mason jars. Actually, I didn’t check. But just like don’t go there because that would be gross.

wallstuff

ANYWAYS back to the mason jars. People (and by people I mean me, and by me I mean you and me) love for the following reasons:

1. They’re cheap as fuck.

everyoneghettoparis

2. You can drink out of them.

masonjarmarg

Mason jar margs! (Would this actually work though on a blender….? Someone try it and let me know.)

(But I imagine something like this would happen.)

arcticblast

3. You can eat out of them.

masjonjarmeals

I’m sorry that just looks stupid and pointless.

50centyoumad

4. You can get crafty with them.

masonjarmatchsticks

This could actually work and be efficient…

funtoplaywith

5. You can actually do what their original purpose was and can with them.

cannedtomatoes

But that would be too simple.

drevil

6. And you can COOK and EAT out of them.

masonjarpies

COOK.

masonjardesserts

AND EAT.

Genius (I know).

shake andbake

Which brings us to our recipe, courtesy of moi. It is really quite simple, quite delicious, and clean-up is a febreeze. Also it’s totally seasonal which everyone loves. Le duh.

noduhfear

STFU.

Candied Ginger Apple Jar Tart with Oat Crisp Topping

INGREDIENTS

  • 2 medium Granny Smith apples; peeled, cored, and cut into 1” chunks
  • 1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
  • 1 teaspoon apple pie spice
  • 2 tablespoons candied ginger, finely chopped
  • ¼ cup flour, divided
  • ½ cup oats (not quick cooking)
  • 1/3 cup light brown sugar, divided
  • ½ teaspoon salt
  • ¼ cup unsalted butter, diced into ¼” bits
  • ¼ cup vegetable oil
  • ½ cup prepared or purchased sugar cookie dough
  • ½ cup fresh whipped cream, lightly sweetened
  • Non-stick cooking spray

Special Equipment: 4 half-pint mason jars

DIRECTIONS

  1. ) Preheat oven to 325°F. Spray each mason jar with the non-stick cooking spray. Divide the cookie dough into four 2-tablespoon balls. Flatten the balls to ¼”-thick disks and lightly press the dough into the bottom of each mason jar, letting the dough go slightly up the side of the jar.
  2. ) Place chunked Granny Smith apples in a medium bowl. Add fresh lemon juice, apple pie spice, finely chopped candied ginger, ¼ teaspoon salt, 2 tablespoons light brown sugar, and 2 tablespoons flour. Toss ingredients together until the apples are evenly coated. Divide the mixture equally between the four mason jars.
  3. ) In a small bowl, mix together the oats, vegetable oil, and the rest of the light brown sugar, flour, and salt. Add the diced butter and with your hands, gently incorporate the butter. Divide the oat crisp mixture equally amongst the four fruit-filled mason jars, lightly packing the topping down.
  4. ) Place the mason jars on a baking sheet. Bake for 45 minutes to 1 hour until the topping has set and is golden brown. Cool for 10 minutes and serve with fresh whipped cream.

Just make it. It’s so good.

literally

And you’ll have leftover cookie dough nomnomnom.

cookiemonster

Feast or Fashion?

Hello Lovelies,

Je sais it has been almost a fortnight since we last spoke but I’ve had other pressing matters on my plate i.e. WORK and WERK and more TWERK. Oh le travaille….

My condition: too much Blink 182 as a child.

My condition: too much Blink 182 as a child.

The good news is that this brief break in scribe has granted me time to receive a plethora of fan mail directed to your’s truly and I plan to address said fan mail in today’s post.

mail

Dear Beth,

With Fall approaching, I’m slowly breaking into my autumn garb.

My question is: Is it P.C. to wear the fur of the same animal you are eating?

Sincerely,

The Furry Fashionista

xxx

*                             *                             *                             *                             *

Dearest Readress,

Thank you so much for your question. I am glad you are relying on the expertise of the Hostress to solve your fashion dilemma in a fashionably appropriate time frame. For, if you were to make the wrong decision and not consult me, you would risk being friendless and most likely banned from all realms of acceptable society by the next Harvest Moon and end up potentially looking like this:

Inappro

Inappro

Some people might be like this:

davidbowiesexy

But they’d be lying.

Totally me. Sick aviators, obvi.

Totally me. Sick aviators, obvi.

Now let’s get down to the ‘meat’ of the matter and answer the question…

noyes

The answer to your feast or fashion when it comes down to it is a resounding YES.

Still no excuse to look like a WW2 tranny, Adam

Still no excuse to look like a WW2 tranny, Adam

Fall, oh Fall, how thou art fast approaching. I must say, Fall is my favorite time of year as it is one of the only times during the year when you can make the ultimate pairing: fur & food. It is quite an experience – to be wearing an animal whilst consuming its brethren.

hannibal1

Dearest Readers, you don’t have to sacrifice feast for fashion – you can have it all.

daswassup

You see, it shows respect for the animal as you engage in what we in the culinary world like to refer to as “whole beast” dining. As the Hostress, I do declare it’s time to break out your favorite furs and fearlessly pair them with your favorite cuts.

Here are some sample scenarios:

Going for that steak for four at Peter Luger?

Channel Leatherface à la Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Dat hair. Dat ass.

Dat hair. It’s like a mighty lion soaring into the heavens.

For the more traditional diner, I recommend going for more of a Midnight Cowboy-inspired ensemble.

Tres Rive Gauche. As in, the guy on the left.

Tres Rive Gauche. As in, the guy on the left.

Holla holla holla

Holla holla holla

Going for mystery meat in Korea Town?

Channel Cher’s backpack in Clueless.

At least you wouldn't skin a collie to make your backpack? Not so fast, Cher...

At least you wouldn’t skin a collie to make your backpack? Not so fast, Cher…

Carpaccio at Il Mulino?

Only one appropriate dress for that.

meatdress

Veal breast at Ai Fiori?

May or may not get you arrested. Wrecking ball not included.

May or may not get you arrested. Wrecking ball not included.

Hopefully, you get the idea by now…

The only word to describe such conscience pairings?

delicious

Also, don’t forget to accessorize.

Something along these lines should be appro.

Something along these lines should be appro.

And finally: Don’t go overboard. Pairing feast & fashion takes a discerning eye.

A discerning eye is necessary when pairing feast and fashion.

*                             *                             *                             *                             *

This post was written in honor of my main bish/fur queen G-Mac.

See: ball of the fur on the right.

See: ball of the fur on the right.